Fall in love with the process of becoming
It has taken quite a lot over the past few months for me to feel okay with allowing myself to explore my creativity out in the open. When I was younger, I was painfully shy and as I got older, that shyness transformed into something else: perfectionism. I wanted everything to be perfect and ready to be seen from the get-go, because if it was, then nothing embarrassing or off-putting could come of it and it was unlikely to be criticised or fail.
The older I've become, the more aware I am of how impossible, unsustainable, and frankly stifling those standards are. Perfectionism doesn't just exhaust you; it can prevent you from stumbling across something far more valuable as it doesn't allow room for the process of becoming to be seen and shared.
There's a chance you're reading this because you're struggling with accepting the messiness of becoming. Maybe you're feeling vulnerable and exposed as you share your journey, whether that's working towards becoming a published author, going for that promotion, or trying to get your music out there. The in-between can feel deeply uncomfortable but that is exactly where the reframe becomes so important.
Finding what gives you energy
For a long time, I thought I was doing rest wrong.
I was trying all the things you're supposed to try. Taking a long weekend when I could, having an early night, getting outside for walks, catching up with friends. And I'd come back to my usual routine, work, life, everything, feeling more or less the same. Still running on fumes. Still waiting to feel like myself again. I started to wonder if something was just a bit broken in me, like maybe I had forgotten what I needed to allow myself to recharge.
It took me longer than I'd like to admit to realise the problem wasn't something fundamentally wrong with me. It was that I was borrowing someone else's answers to a question I hadn't really asked myself yet. There's a specific kind of depletion that hits when your work is taking more than it gives, when you're not quite sure who you're becoming yet and when the life you're living feels slightly out of sync with the one you actually want. That kind of tired isn't fixed by getting more sleep alone (although a good sleep is a bit of a miracle cure for a lot of things!). It runs deeper than that. And I think a lot of us spend years in that place without understanding why we're still so exhausted despite doing all the right things.
Repurposing purpose
As I am going through my early thirties, at what can sometimes feel like lightning speed, I have occasionally found myself being struck by those familiar early thirties panics: Am I too far behind everyone else career-wise? Am I supposed to be a homeowner by now? Should I be having a baby… yesterday?!
These panics don't come as often nowadays as they have in the past, but sometimes they pop up like the car tax reminder letter I received today, unwelcome and annoying.
When I dig below the overarching question of "am I behind?", the answer is never "yes". The answer is that I am just on a different path, my own path, and I guess that is why it sometimes feels so uncertain, because it hasn't been walked before.
Stop booing yourself
A few months ago, around the time I started a series on social media that required posting every day for 33 days, I saw the quote:
Stop booing yourself off the stage before you have had a chance to perform
And when I say it stuck with me, I mean it stuck with me, like the putty I got stuck in my fringe when I was younger.
I subsequently had to have the putty chopped out of my fringe, so I was styling micro-bangs before they were cool. I digress…
Subtle self-sabotage
How do I know when I am self-sabotaging?
I can feel it. I can feel it as I pick up my phone instead of typing the first few words on the Word Doc to get the ball rolling.
I can feel it when I load another episode of a show I have been watching instead of getting up to go for a walk or to the gym.
I can feel it when I get in bed and open social media on my phone instead of picking up my book.
It is the feeling that, despite my want to do something positive and maybe even productive, I am choosing to do the thing that, in the moment, doesn’t really illicit any real feeling.
Self-sabotage is compounding…
Questions to ask yourself as we enter a new year
I almost said I can’t believe it is New Year’s Day, but for some reason, this year it feels about time.
I think it might be because my head has been absolutely brimming with ideas as we approached the end of the year, and in all honesty, I can’t wait to get started on them.
As much as I feel ready to get my 2026 plans underway, I always try to make time to reflect on the previous year.
I have put together some questions below to help you reflect on the last year, look ahead, and discover what might be helpful for the upcoming year.
Lessons from starting again
Somewhere along the line, I have got quite good at starting again.
From many job changes throughout my late teens and early twenties to moving house or relocating at what has at times felt like the drop of a hat. Starting again has become something that I have developed a bit of skill around.
For those sorts of life changes, I have appreciated this ability. I am a quick learner, so picking up a new job has always felt straightforward enough. And, in relation to moving and relocating, I have found that I am able to feel at home somewhere new with relative ease.
This ability has been more challenging to navigate when it comes to the various hobbies or passion projects I have wanted to pursue…