Stop booing yourself

A few months ago, around the time I started a series on social media that required posting every day for 33 days, I saw the quote:

Stop booing yourself off the stage before you have had a chance to perform

And when I say it stuck with me, I mean it stuck with me, like the putty I got stuck in my fringe when I was younger.

I subsequently had to have the putty chopped out of my fringe, so I was styling micro-bangs before they were cool. I digress…

I actually don’t think I had resonated with a quote as much as I did with this one in a long time.

I have booed myself off many a stage over the years, whether in my hobbies and creative interests or in a more professional capacity. This ability to discourage myself before I have even taken one step towards the stage has become something that I am quite good at.

I think it often stems from fear. Fear of being perceived or judged, but also, for me, a fear of being seen to be trying or being seen as terrible at something. Which I know, I know, is absolutely ridiculous.

Side note: I am working on that during my year-long series, The Year of ‘Actually Trying’, over on my Instagram and YouTube channel.

A way this has manifested in my hobbies is giving up before I have even let myself have a real chance at trying something. For example, learning to play the piano. I was very musical as a child so when, as an adult, I have not been immediately good at the instruments I have put my hand to (guitar, drums, piano…) I have found it so challenging to keep trying. Whether that is keeping up with going to lessons or even just practising at home. I have often given up and decided that I will probably never be good at it.

In a professional capacity, this can show up in a few different ways, such as not speaking up in meetings or feeling reluctant to share ideas, maybe out of fear of them not being properly heard or celebrated. This has been a tricky one for me because it has definitely led to holding myself back when it comes to potential career advancement.

When thinking about this quote and how it resonated with me so much, it felt almost crucial that I make this year The Year of ‘Actually Trying’ because it is about time.

I, of course, couldn’t just jump straight into that without doing a little more research about how this booing shows up and also how to tackle it. In the process, I came across a couple more quotes that have taken up very comfortable spots on my Pinterest boards.

To fall asleep, you must pretend to fall asleep first, and that is how everything works

This is an interesting one because that is definitely what sharing more online has felt like to me. I think that is a huge part of sharing something with the world, particularly a creative endeavour. Pretending to know what you are doing or being comfortable with people seeing you figure it all out.

That is where my current series is doing this for me. I recently posted a YouTube video of me playing some extremely basic piano for the world to see, and as part of sharing it, I am pretending. I am pretending to be someone who is confident sharing the process because I’m not fully confident in it yet, but I am enjoying it.

You have to show up and pretend in some way to be who or what you want to become, and then, with time, and maybe without even noticing, one day you aren’t pretending anymore. Or you certainly don’t feel like you are quite as much!

Proof follows, it doesn’t precede

We all want some sort of guarantee before starting something new. We want to see the proof that what we are risking doing will be a success, but it is impossible for proof to precede when it comes to putting ourselves out there in some way.

We can, of course, look to other people doing similar things and be like well, it took them however long to get to where I want to be, or they learnt to play this song on piano in one month so it must be possible for me but that just isn’t logical at all and by looking at things like this, we close ourselves off to our unique journey and experience.

Our unique experience is one of our most valuable resources. It is what our deepest understanding of ourselves comes from, as well as being what we use to tell stories and connect with others.

I struggled to get my head around the concept of proof follows, it doesn’t precede, because I’m a planner and a perfectionist (help me). I like there to be clear answers to things. I like feeling as in control of outcomes as possible, within reason. So this concept felt quite foreign and discouraging if I’m completely honest.

However, exploring it through this lens of creating my unique journey and experience has been so helpful.

Because then, to me, it becomes clear that creating that journey is the answer to the whole process of allowing myself to be on the stage and be seen. For example, sharing more online and having things to look back on, such as videos, pieces of writing, piano pieces learnt out loud for all to see, and creative projects tested in public. These all become the journey and experience that provides that much-sought-after proof.

When we boo ourselves off the stage, we are immediately closing ourselves off to a whole world of possibility.

It is like taking a look at ourselves and what we want to do and achieve, and just saying ‘no’.

I think this could be one of those times to ask yourself what you would do if a friend told you they wanted to share something with the world, or try to learn a new skill or hobby.

I think it is highly unlikely you would tell them not to pursue whatever they want, so why do we discourage ourselves?

You have to take a chance on yourself sometimes, setting yourself the goal of having a creative, exploratory journey, even when it feels scary to do so.