Repurposing purpose
The Early Thirties Panic
As I am going through my early thirties, at what can sometimes feel like lightning speed, I have occasionally found myself being struck by those familiar early thirties panics: Am I too far behind everyone else career-wise? Am I supposed to be a homeowner by now? Should I be having a baby… yesterday?!
These panics don't come as often nowadays as they have in the past, but sometimes they pop up like the car tax reminder letter I received today, unwelcome and annoying.
When I dig below the overarching question of "am I behind?", the answer is never "yes". The answer is that I am just on a different path, my own path, and I guess that is why it sometimes feels so uncertain, because it hasn't been walked before.
Why Traditional Milestones Don't Define Everyone's Purpose
We live in a world where, in certain circles, it can often feel like the traditional path of finding your forever job, settling down, buying a house, and having a family is seen as the ultimate life purpose. Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that those things aren’t a beautiful purpose to have. But what is important is knowing that it doesn't have to be everyone's purpose. If you feel like you don't fit into that vision of life, then that is completely normal.
I have sometimes found that these milestones have the effect of feeling more like a purpose rather than actually being one, and I think some of that can come down to them often being out of our control.
With more and more people having to live with family until much older than they might have originally thought, and the job market becoming increasingly desperate, we don't always have the luxury of looking forward to having these specific things as our purpose because they can feel so unattainable.
There is also a distinct feeling of comparison when it comes to these traditional purposes. You can feel like you are constantly trying to bridge the gap between where you think you should be and where you actually are. This doesn't create a positive and encouraging foundation from which to discover your true purpose.
Shifting from Milestones to Daily Choices
Something that has helped me to redefine what purpose means in my life is shifting my view of it. So instead of being these massive milestones, to instead being the decision to embrace daily choices as a way to build a deep and solid foundation of purpose.
These daily choices can be around:
Spending time with loved ones
Movement and exercise
Writing
Expressing myself creatively
Reading for fun or to educate myself
These daily choices help to define a purpose around living in an aligned and meaningful way. I've started defining my purpose as a continuous practice rather than a destination to one day, hopefully, arrive at.
This redesign and refinement can also apply to those more traditional life paths, too. By choosing to look at your career, for example, as a journey of ongoing transformation rather than it being "failed" or "too late", you open up new possibilities for growth.
Building Community and Giving Back
Another way of looking at purpose for me has been through a wider human and community-led perspective. I have a strong pull towards giving back, but am also a firm believer in "you can't pour from an empty cup". It is important to take the time to build the capacity first when it comes to working out how you can give back to communities, big and small.
There is a quote that I have been seeing a lot recently:
"To have a village, you need to be a villager."
Building community is reciprocal, not transactional, and having the capacity to give back can be really challenging when you feel you don't have much to give. This is something I find myself navigating as an introverted homebody. I think that is why I have started to find purpose and meaning in sharing more online. By working on something creative and connecting with others, I am hoping to be able to provide more for a wider community over time.
Removing Age-Related Timelines
Something that has made a huge difference to me when it comes to redefining my purpose is removing age-related timelines. I was one of those people who was like, "By the time I turn 30, I will have done this and that and have this and have that," and I hadn't really achieved any of those things by the time I turned 30.
To add some perspective to my earlier comments around things being out of your control: I lost my mum quite suddenly when I was 27, and in all honesty, my life went a little off track for a good few years after that. Not in any "she's gone off the rails!" sort of way, but in a more subtle, stagnant way that meant making any real or aligned progress on any of those traditional purpose markers was highly unlikely.
This experience definitely taught me that focusing on the things you have a little more control over is almost always the best course of action when it comes to working out what gives you purpose. The things that you can turn into a consistent practice are the things that will help you build that solid grounding that will eventually turn into bigger milestones.
Your Purpose as a Living, Breathing Thing
Having your purpose be something that is living and breathing, continuously transforming with you as you go through life, will help you live a much more supported and content life.
It can take a lot of courage to step away from the expected path, but one of the most human things we can do for ourselves is to allow ourselves to evolve in whichever way feels the most aligned at that moment.
I feel happy with the things in my life that are currently helping me to have a consistent practice when it comes to defining my purpose, but I know these things will change and expand, and, in all honesty, that is what is so exciting about turning your purpose into a living, breathing thing.