Fall in love with the process of becoming
It has taken quite a lot over the past few months for me to feel okay with allowing myself to explore my creativity out in the open. When I was younger, I was painfully shy, and as I got older, that shyness transformed into something else: perfectionism. I wanted everything to be perfect and ready to be seen from the get-go, because if it was, then nothing embarrassing or off-putting could come of it and it was unlikely to be criticised or fail.
The older I've become, the more aware I am of how impossible, unsustainable, and frankly stifling those standards are. Perfectionism doesn't just exhaust you; it can prevent you from stumbling across something far more valuable as it doesn't allow room for the process of becoming to be seen and shared.
There's a chance you're reading this because you're struggling with accepting the messiness of becoming. Maybe you're feeling vulnerable and exposed as you share your journey, whether that's working towards becoming a published author, going for that promotion, or trying to get your music out there. The in-between can feel deeply uncomfortable but that is exactly where the reframe becomes so important.
The Destination Was Never the Point
I naturally lean towards a positive reframe. I'm not entirely sure where that comes from, but it has been my default state for a long time. Many years ago, when I was probably too young to be investing serious time and energy into personal development, I came across a little magnet that read:
"Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of life."
I had absolutely no business owning that magnet at such a young age. But I got it anyway, and stuck it on the mirror in my room. For the purpose of this piece, I'm not talking about happiness, but the message still stands. The process of becoming is the destination. As cheesy as it sounds, that is where the magic is.
I am just as guilty as anyone of assuming I'll feel complete, ready, or perfect once I've reached a specific milestone or goal. Looking at the creative journey I'm currently exploring, that might be reaching a certain number of subscribers on YouTube, or landing a book deal. But I can't comprehend my happiness or contentment coming from wanting to be somewhere else than where I am right now. That kind of thinking puts your joy permanently just out of reach.
What Becoming Is Actually Teaching Me
Since I started exploring my creativity, and ultimately, what I want my destination to look like, I've discovered so much about what I actually enjoy. What matters to me? What resonates with and is helpful for people? What kind of community do I want to build and be a part of?
Some of the content I enjoy consuming most is the stuff people choose to share when they are on their way to something brilliant, not when they've already arrived. Although I do love a bit of aspirational content too. There's something so compelling and connective about watching someone figure it out in real time. It makes you feel less alone in your own figuring-out.
When you allow yourself to fall in love with the process, you open yourself up to possibility. There is absolutely the possibility that you will reach those end goals and destinations, but there are also guarantees. The guarantees being, you will learn so much about yourself, your art, your path, and who you want to become, and those things don't arrive with the milestone. They're built during the process of becoming.
Practical Ways to Fall in Love with the Process
These are things I'm learning, not things I've mastered. Take what feels useful and leave what doesn't.
• Remove timelines from your journey. When we limit ourselves with rigid deadlines, we set ourselves up for unnecessary failure. There are too many external factors that contribute to what we want to achieve. Focus on what you can actually control and loosen your grip on what you can't. (I've written more about this here.)
• Stay curious. If something is lighting you up, embrace it. I've been really enjoying writing for this blog and doing sit-down, chatty videos alongside the posts so I'm actively looking for ways to do more of that. Use that same curiosity to notice when something isn't working for you. What is it about it that's causing discomfort? That's useful information too.
• Find your anchors. It can be so easy to lose sight of the process when you're deep in it. Finding daily or weekly anchors can bring you back to yourself. That could be journaling, a gratitude practice, a morning routine that feels grounding, or even a voice memo to yourself (I do this all the time). These anchors remind you who you are right now, regardless of where you're going.
• Let your process be seen (if you want to). As I mentioned, I love consuming content from people who are in the process of becoming. If you feel comfortable sharing your journey, go for it. You learn so much about yourself in the sharing, and it leads naturally into the final step...
• Revisit your process regularly. If you're documenting your journey, go back and watch your old videos. Read a few previous journal entries every now and then. Growth on a small, daily scale is almost impossible to see in real time but when you look back at something from a month or two ago, you'll be able to see how all those tiny daily moments have compounded into something much bigger.
You're Not Behind, You're Becoming
In the past, I have wished that I could already be at the point of having everything sorted or figured out. But since being in my thirties, I have become appreciative of the opportunity to learn more about myself and my wants and needs through the process of becoming.
I'm nowhere near where I want to be in some ways but I'm definitely a lot closer since I started falling in love with the process of getting there. And that feels like enough for right now.